It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
