Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
Randomize
