She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
