i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
