Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
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