Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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