Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize