DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
