I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
