I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
