so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
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