1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
