Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
