the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
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