i can't believe i had my finger in that
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I have aggressive nipples.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
