Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
