Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
Randomize
