I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
cat food counts as protein by the way
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
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