If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Randomize