I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
i need to put some appletini on your dick
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize