You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
there is glitter all over my balls
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