My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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