I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
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