I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Randomize