M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
