i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Less talking, more tequila
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Randomize
