Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Nothing warms my heart more than the sight of a naked hockey player in my bed.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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