and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
