My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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