I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
Randomize
