Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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