She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
