I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
