Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
