I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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