God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
