Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I have aggressive nipples.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize
