I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
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