that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
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