member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
ugly people sure do ruin things
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
