so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
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