Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
Randomize
