when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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