What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
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