is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
