just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
