he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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