we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
