You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Randomize
