oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
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