He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
