That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
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