The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
The best revenge is premature balding
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
Randomize
