I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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