I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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