So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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