Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
