I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
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