Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
Randomize
