is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Randomize
