Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize