I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
