he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Blood and glitter go together right?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
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