was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
