we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
It was a blind-side dick pic.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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