I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Randomize
