The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
