what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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